Thanksgiving Custody Clashes:3 Common Problems and How to Solve Them in Arizona

What Do I Do If My Ex Won’t Follow the Thanksgiving Custody Schedule in Arizona?

Holidays are supposed to be a time for family and making memories. But for co-parents in Arizona, the holidays can bring a lot of stress. Thanksgiving, with its focus on one big meal and family gatherings, is often a major source of conflict. After helping families in the Tri-State area for over 35 years, our team at Knochel Law Offices has seen the same problems pop up year after year.

When you have a parenting plan in place, you expect it to be followed. But what happens when it’s not? Or what if your plan is too vague to even be useful?

Let’s talk about the three biggest Thanksgiving custody clashes we see in Mohave County and what you can do about them.

What Counts as the “Thanksgiving Holiday” in My Parenting Plan?

This is, by far, the most common problem. Your custody agreement might just say “Mother gets Thanksgiving in even years, Father gets it in odd years.”

But what does “Thanksgiving” actually mean?

• Does it mean just Thanksgiving Day, from morning until night?
• Does it mean from Wednesday after school until Friday morning?
• Does it include the entire four-day weekend?

If your court order isn’t specific, you have a “vague” order. And vagueness is where the worst arguments start. One parent might think they get the child at 10 AM on Thursday, while the other parent already made plans to travel to Laughlin or Kingman on Wednesday night.

Why This Is a Problem: A vague plan is almost as bad as no plan at all. It forces you to re-negotiate with your ex every single year, which can be a nightmare if you don’t get along. One parent can hold the plans hostage.

How to Solve It:

1. Look for a Mohave County Guideline: First, check if your original court order refers to the Mohave County Superior Court’s parenting time guidelines. These guidelines often have default schedules (like “6:00 p.m. on the day school recesses until 6:00 p.m. the day before school resumes”) that apply if your own plan is silent.
2. Talk Early (If You Can): If you have a decent co-parenting relationship, talk about this now, not the week before Thanksgiving. Put your agreement in writing (even just an email or text) confirming the exact drop-off and pick-up times.
3. Get a Modification: If you argue about this every year, it’s time to get a formal modification to your parenting plan. Our family law team can help you ask the court to set a very specific holiday schedule. This ends the fight for good. A clear order is the best way to protect your peace of mind.

What If My Ex Is Denying My Court-Ordered Thanksgiving Time?

This is a much more serious problem. Your plan is clear. It’s your year, your time. And your ex says, “No, the kids are staying with me.” Or they simply don’t show up at the exchange.

This is a direct violation of a court order.

Why This Is a Problem: First, it’s heartbreaking for you and the children. It steals your precious holiday time. Second, it’s a serious legal issue. Allowing one parent to “get away with it” just encourages them to do it again for Christmas.

A surprising number of parents—about 32%—report that their co-parent has withheld visitation at some point, according to a 2017 study. This number often spikes during high-stakes holidays.

How to Solve It:

1. Document Everything: Do not get into a screaming match. Send a calm, written message (text or email) that says: “Per our court order (Case #XXXX), it is my court-ordered parenting time today at [TIME]. I am at the exchange location. Please let me know when you will be here.” This creates a clean, written record for the judge.
2. Call the Police (If Needed): If you are at the exchange location and your co-parent doesn’t show, you can call the non-emergency line. Show the officer your court order. They may or may not be able to enforce the order on the spot, but getting a police report is powerful evidence that you were there and the other parent violated the order.
3. File for Contempt: The day after the holiday, you should talk to an attorney about filing a Petition for Contempt of Court. This asks the judge to find your ex in violation of the order. The judge can order makeup time, fine your ex, and even make them pay your attorney’s fees.

What If My Ex Wants to Take the Kids Out of State for Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is a huge travel holiday. You may live in Bullhead City, but your ex wants to take the kids to see family in Las Vegas, Phoenix, or even further.

Can they do that?

Why This Is a Problem: This is a panic-inducing moment for any parent. You might be worried about travel safety, or that your ex won’t come back.

How to Solve It:

1. Check Your Order: Your parenting plan is the rulebook. Does it say “Parents must get written permission for all out-of-state travel”? Or does it say “Parents can travel out of state as long as they provide an itinerary”? Many orders, like the standard Arizona parenting plan forms, have a specific box to check about this.
2. What Does “Permission” Mean? If your order says “by agreement,” your ex must get your permission. If you don’t agree, they can’t go. If they go anyway, they are in violation (see Problem #2).
3. What if the Order is Silent? If your order says nothing about travel, it’s a gray area. Generally, a parent can travel with the child during their own parenting time. But if you have a real, valid reason to believe they won’t return (a “flight risk”), you must file an emergency motion with the court immediately.

Don’t wait. Finding the best family law attorney “near me” who can act fast is critical to protecting your rights.

Key Takeaways for Thanksgiving Custody

• Be Specific: A vague holiday plan is a recipe for a fight. The best plan lists exact dates and exchange times (e.g., “Wednesday at 6:00 PM until Sunday at 6:00 PM”).
• Be Proactive: If your plan is vague, start the discussion now. If you and your ex can’t agree, file for a modification with the court to get a clear schedule.
• Be Calm & Document: If your ex violates the order, don’t engage in a fight. Send a calm text, get a police report, and file a motion for contempt. Let the judge handle it.
• Check Travel Rules: Your court order is the final word on out-of-state travel. Read it carefully before making or approving any plans.

The holidays are stressful enough. Having a clear, enforceable parenting plan is the best gift you can give yourself and your children. If you’re facing a holiday custody clash in Bullhead City, Kingman, or Lake Havasu, our team is here to help.

5 Common Questions About Holiday Custody

1. My ex wants to change the Thanksgiving schedule just for this one year. Do I have to agree? No. A court order is not a suggestion. You are not legally required to agree to any changes. However, if the change is reasonable (like “I need to pick them up at 8 PM instead of 6 PM”) and you want to be flexible, you can. Just get the one-time change in writing (an email is fine) so they can’t claim you’re the one who violated the plan.
2. My ex is always late for holiday exchanges. What can I do? This is a common frustration. First, document every single time it happens. Write it in a log. If it’s just 15 minutes, the court may not do much. But if it’s an hour or more every time, it’s a pattern of interference. You can file for contempt or a modification asking the judge to order penalties for lateness, or even to change the exchange location to a police station.
3. What if Thanksgiving Day itself is my time, but my ex’s family is celebrating on Saturday? This is where co-parenting gets tricky. The parent who has the court-ordered time gets to decide what happens during that time. If your ex has the kids for the weekend after Thanksgiving, and you have them on Thanksgiving Day, then your ex can have their celebration on Saturday. The key is to follow the schedule exactly.
4. Can I refuse to let my kids go if I think my ex will be drinking on Thanksgiving? This is a very serious situation. If you have real, provable evidence (not just a “feeling”) that your ex will put your child in danger (like drinking and driving), you can file an emergency motion with the court to deny their parenting time. But you need proof—like past DUIs, text messages about drinking, or police reports. If you deny time without a court order, you could be the one found in contempt.
5. Our order says “split the holiday.” How do we do that? This is another vague term. Does it mean one parent gets the morning and the other gets the afternoon? Does it mean you eat two dinners? This is a prime example of an order that needs to be modified. If you can’t agree, you’ll have to go back to court and ask a judge to set a clear schedule, like one parent getting the child from 9 AM – 3 PM and the other from 3 PM – 9 PM.